


the goose job

by Mars_and_Moon



Series: how did we end up here? || maggie & eliot brotp [2]
Category: Leverage
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Friendship, Geese, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:07:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mars_and_Moon/pseuds/Mars_and_Moon
Summary: Maggie had been doing a decent job at being relatively calm. Even when the goose had jumped onto her kitchen table, but this. This was a breaking point. "You named the goose that ate the Pérolas do Mar dos Anjos?"
Relationships: Maggie Collins & Eliot Spencer
Series: how did we end up here? || maggie & eliot brotp [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1787749
Comments: 16
Kudos: 106





	the goose job

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PinkGold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkGold/gifts).



> this is the happiest thing i've ever written. 
> 
> enjoy

"What do you mean a goose ate the _Pérolas dos Mar dos Anjos_?" Maggie shouted. Until seven minutes ago, she had been having a relatively normal month. Then Eliot burst into her apartment dressed like a 19th century dandy, and holding a goose. Oh, and said goose ate a historical artifact. 

Eliot, who was most certainly not having an uneventful month, looked very close to punching the nearest wall. "I mean that a goose came up to me, and ate them!" 

There is so much to unpack there, and so little time. Why was Eliot near a goose? How the fuck did the goose get close enough to him to eat a historical artifact? Was he just holding the _Pérolas do Mar dos Anjos_ in his hand? Can she yell at him for that? 

She settles on: "It's still alive?" 

"No, Maggie," he deadpanned. "I carried a goose corpse to your apartment, like a damn psychopath! _Obviously_ it's alive." 

"Don't get snappy with me." 

"Sorry," Eliot said, having the decency to look a little embarrassed. Somehow she went from trying to get into his pants to a semi-maternal figure. Very strange turn of events, considering. 

Maggie sighed. "So, the goose--" 

"Hank," Eliot said without hesitation. 

There was a pause before: "I'm sorry?" 

"The goose," Eliot responded, speaking slowly. "Their name is Hank." 

Maggie had been doing a decent job at being relatively calm. Even when the goose had jumped onto her kitchen table, but this. This was a breaking point. "You _named_ the goose that ate the _Pérolas do Mar dos Anjos_?" 

"Possibly," he is definitely getting defensive. Oh God, grant Maggie Collins patience because if given strength she will certainly start breaking things. He named the fucking goose, and he named it Hank. 

"Okay," Maggie said eventually, because sometimes you just have to deal with an internationally wanted hitman naming a goose that ate priceless artifacts. This is normal, this is very normal. " _Hank_ ate a historical artifact that's worth at least twenty million, that you _stole_ from an auction house to con the _Secretary_ _of State_ into retirement because he was funding a Nazi campaign."

"Yes." 

Nope. No, this was not normal. This is insanity. "Do you have any fucking clue how crazy that sounds!" 

"Weirder things have happened to me," Eliot said, walking away from her. 

"What could possibly be weirder?" She asked, watching Eliot poke around her kitchen cabinets. Hank had made their way off the kitchen table, and instead was waddling dangerously close to the next room. 

"There was this one time." Apparently he wasn't able to find what he wanted, seeing as he was now digging through the fridge. "In New Zealand, involving six potted plants, three sticks of butter, and a pair of diamond earrings." Eliot paused for a second, obviously enjoying the memory. "God, that was a fun weekend." 

For what felt like the nth time, Maggie sighed. It wasn't the time for a tragic backstory unlocking--because it was always tragic with him. "Eliot, your life scares me." 

"Thanks, it scares me too." Honey, no. Is this whole experience due to some guilt thing he's obviously going through? Is that why he adopted a goose? 

"So," Maggie said, breaking whatever tension had found its way in the room. "Hank?" 

"It just seemed right." 

"No, what are we going to do about him?"

" _Them_ ," Eliot said, like it was obvious and important. "And originally I was going just gonna, cut the pearls out of them, but then they attacked a dude trying to kill me with a knife so it felt wrong." 

"Wait, what do you mean somebody tried to _kill you_."

"Why are you surprised? This happens like four times a week." 

That's. A valid point, but it's the principle of things. Maggie does not appreciate people trying to kill _her_ Eliot, he needs a hug not a stab wound. But, a knife is such a stupid wepon to kill somebody with, any decent professional would tell you at. "With a knife?" 

"Hm? No, Hank had the knife. The other guy had a gun." 

Now, Maggie doesn't have time to unpack all of this. Where did a goose get a knife? _Why_ did Eliot let the goose attack the man with a gun? _Why is he bringing this to her door?_

"Alright," Eliot said suddenly. He was holding sunflower seeds, and had pulled out an orange from nowhere. Maggie doesn't eat oranges, where did he get an orange. This was definitely not the point but she was starting to think this was all a fever dream. 

"Hank!" He called out, and she watched in amazement as they waddled over to him. "Let's see if we can get the _Pérolas do Mar dos Anjos_ out of you, it should make you more comfortable." 

Oh yeah, Maggie thought watching Eliot feed the goose sunflower seeds, fever dream is definitely not off the table as an explanation. 

**Author's Note:**

> we were robbed of this friendship. yell about eliot & maggie in the comments.


End file.
